A Felixstowe couple who were among the first to tie the knot after civil partnerships became legal have shared their love story, and how they feel times have changed to mark the start of Pride month.
It was a Christmas wedding for Dean Wales and Barry Samain, when they finally got to tie the knot at their civil partnership ceremony, on December 23, 2005.
Getting married “just made sense,” Dean and Barry agreed, for they had already been together for 13 years. It was important for their relationship to share the same protection extended to married, heterosexual couples – but in practice, they said that very little changed.
In many ways, the couple’s wedding day was an ordinary day; they spent the morning Christmas shopping and arrived at the registry office complete with bags of gifts for their family and friends. In the evening, this being the height of pantomime season, and both being involved in local theatre groups, they made their way to rehearsals as usual.
The couple featured in the the-Evening Star’s coverage of the legalisation of civil partnerships – and laugh to remember sharing a page of the Bride and Groom magazine with Sir Elton John and David Furnish.
It was theatre which brought Dean and Barry together, more than 31 years ago.
In 1992, Dean was performing as Chantal in La Cages aux Folles at the Spa Pavilion in Felixstowe.
For the time, this was a risky show; the plot of the musical tells the story of Renato, the owner of a Saint-Tropez nightclub featuring drag entertainment. His partner, Albin, is the star of the show.
Barry, who had moved to Suffolk from London, was in the audience. Flipping through the programme, he pointed to Dean’s photograph and jokingly told a friend, “I’m going to spend the rest of my life with him”.
After been introduced to Dean, Barry invited him on a trip to London – although he wasn’t sure if this was a date or not, having no idea of Dean was gay.
On the journey, Barry tried to subtly find out, asking if Dean would like to visit straight places or a gay place.
Dean politely said he didn’t mind – at which point Barry gave up, and said, “For goodness’ sake – are you gay or not?”
For Dean, who had grown up in Ipswich, this trip would become “a turning point in my life”.
“For a boy from Ipswich, being in London was quite an eye-opening experience,” he remembered. In Ipswich, there was only one gay pub, The Olive Leaf in St Helen’s Street, which is now Hank’s.
Barry took Dean to visit three venues, one of them the Royal Vauxhall Tavern in Kennington Road. These were the days when gay establishments had blacked-out windows, so that onlookers couldn’t see what was going on inside.
On the way home, Dean was pensive, having found the experience overwhelming. Barry wondered whether they would see each other again.
A few days later, Dean posted a card through his letterbox, apologising for being so quiet – and the rest is history.
Over the years, Dean and Barry have seen the world become a more accepting place. In 2013, the law was changed to allow same-sex couples could marry in traditional ceremonies with vows. This year, first couples to do so will be celebrating their 10th wedding anniversaries.
We asked Dean and Barry: What is the secret to a long and happy relationship?
“He still makes me laugh,” said Dean. They also say it is important to always respect your partner, and to give them space. This makes them cherish the time they spend together even more.
“Happy days are together days,” said Barry. “That was in a card which I bought for Dean, once. It’s still something we say.”
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